It's easy to feel discouraged when it comes to a slow recovery. It's been almost 6 months that I have been dealing with the worst flare-up I have ever had. My throat and stomach issues have been persistent and frustrating, and I have yet to experience a complete break of the symptoms.
Although I am still experiencing discomfort, I cannot ignore the fact that I am significantly better than I was. When I think back to January, I remember the extreme daily throat pain and complete lack of energy I had. After spending some time in the ER, I was diagnosed with the flu- a virus that my low immune system and weak body had a hard time fighting off. After countless doctors appointments and medical tests it was decided that the flu had left me with severe pharyngitis, an infection of the throat. I stayed in bed for almost a month, completely confined to my house besides doctors appointments. I was forced to move home from school and drop all of my classes other than my online calc class. I didn't really spend time with friends other than the occasional short visit. I never slept, hardly ate, and felt like the best part of my days was watching Friends on Netflix.
As I gained a little bit of strength back and rid my throat of infection, I dealt with the lasting affects that the sickness had left me. February was characterized by my struggle of anxiety and symptoms with no explanation. I tried hanging out with friends, but usually found myself lasting only an hour or so before I felt sick and exhausted. Being out of the house for long periods of time made me anxious. I was improving a little bit throat wise, but still had difficulty swallowing and constantly felt like my throat was closing up. I managed to do some fun things, but for the most part still felt sick. At this point I hadn't driven a car in probably 2 months.
By the time March hit I was dealing with a whole new set of issues. My throat discomfort was still prevalent, but now I was experiencing stomach pain and nausea. Almost every time after I ate I threw up, although I wasn't throwing up food, but what was thought to be bacteria from my stomach. I still had a hard time swallowing, especially thin liquids. A lot of times I ended up spitting out water after I drank it. I went to anywhere from 2-3 doctors appointments a week. I ended up having some testing done that revealed I was allergic to some foods and highly allergic to dustmites, with hopes that this would maybe explain some of my throat issues. I also found out I was highly malnutritioned, and extremely deficient in categories such as magnesium intake, Vitamin D, B vitamins, etc. I also had an endoscopy done, which came back clear. I was able to venture out a few times a week and regained some normalcy. I struggled to wake up for my online class even though it didn't start until 11 am. I was sleeping half my day away but at least I felt like an actual person. I began driving again for the first time in months. I also began my involvement in Young Life again, as I became a leader in a high school.
April brought trial and error. I tried different digestive enzymes to allow myself to eat, different probiotics to settle my stomach, and Vitamins of all kinds. I was frustrated with the slow process of waiting for meds to kick in and vitamins to build up, but each day I felt a little better. I left my house every day and was able to spend time with friends as long as I didn't stay out too late. I went to Young Life events at least 2-3 times a week.
By the time May hit I started living a lot more normally. I was eating a least two meals a day and was gaining back more energy. I still continued to deal with consistent throat issues but my stomach for the most part was on the road to recovery. Some weeks I wouldn't throw up at all, and then all the sudden I would experience it all over again. The relapse in symptoms was frustrating, but they lasted a lot less longer than before which helped me keep my head up. I was back to being more independent and leaving the house every day. I was able to finish my online calc class and receive 5 credit hours for school. My anxiety, however, tried to get the best of me. Fear of my throat closing up kept me from doing things, but my pain became less pain and more discomfort, and I began to feel that I was finally on my way to where I wanted to be.
Now here I am, June coming to a close. Most days I still feel frustrated. My throat always seems swollen or irritated or painful. At least once a day I feel like I'm going to throw up. I fatigue easily and get anxious when my symptoms flare. I still have a long way to go before I go back to school and move on campus, but I'm better. Much better. It's crazy to me that 6 months ago I laid in bed for weeks. I didn't even drive for 3 months. I had days where I wondered if I'd ever catch a break, if the pain would last so harshly for so long.
When this flare up started, for the first time in my life I got mad at God. I didn't understand why I had to suffer this much for this long. I didn't see "the light at the end of the tunnel." I couldn't fathom feeling better. In fact, I felt so awful I didn't think recovery was possible... But it was.
I will never know the exact reason why I had to struggle so badly this year. I will never know why I'm still not 100% better. I will never know why I have to live life with the incurable syndrome of EDS or why I get sick so easily or why a little spark causes my body to ignite. What I do know though, is that God can get me through anything. He is good and He can heal. He has taught me patience in healing, though. He has taught me that He hears me when I pray. He has taught me that even in the darkest of darkness, there is always light, there is always hope. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19.
I've learned to lean on the people He has so graciously given me. I have learned what it means to be compassionate, understanding, and a good friend by letting the people I love take care of me. I have been humbled, served, healed, lifted up, and loved in a time when I was sick, helpless, hopeless, and frustrated. I have learned how to know when my body needs a break, how to budget my time, and how to cancel even my most exciting plans.
The past 6 months have been some of the hardest of my life. Physically, emotionally, and mentally I have been beaten down. Yet, I've grown more than I ever have. I've learned more about life in the past few months than I have in the past 19 years. And for that, I thank God. I am not afraid of not being able to handle things because I know what He promises me in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."