It is quite often that I am asked "how are you doing?" And it is quite often that I respond "I'm doing well, how about you?" To which I quite often receive a "good, thanks!" It is also quite often that I am not in fact "doing well" at all. Lately, a lot of days I'm having a hard time. My body is achey and painful, my anxiety is high, and sleep is rare. I've been lonely at home as all of my friends are off at college, and suffering extreme FOMO (fear of missing out) as I spend most of my days going to doctors appointments and doing my online assignments from my bed or my couch. So why is it that I constantly am telling people I'm doing well on the days when I'm not?
I think we all have the built-in response to the question, "how are you?" of "I'm well, thanks!" It may be a habit, or it may be something deeper than that. Maybe we respond so effortlessly out of politeness. Saying "I'm well" naturally seems like the polite thing to say. No one wants to seem rude or burdensome to the person asking by responding in a negative way. Or maybe, we truly want the person asking how we are to believe that we're well. I know that personally, I tend to be a people pleaser. I like to make people happy and if saying I'm well will do that, I'll go for it. The problem that it's not always the honest thing to say, because like I said earlier, a lot of times I am not well, as are most people.
The real question is, why am I so afraid to admit that I don't always have it all together? I can testify that most of the time I am a mess. I find myself trapped in a sea of my feelings, too afraid that if I let them out they may seem wrong, or inconvenient, or maybe just sad. Unless I am being asked how I am by someone close to me like my best friend or my mom, I tend to keep my occurring problems and trials to myself.
The other day I texted my friend and asked how she was, completely expecting the "I'm well, thanks," response. Instead what I got was "I'm not okay." Surprised by her immediate honesty, I proceeded to ask her what was going on. We ended up having a cool conversation and I found myself remembering something I so often forget; we all have struggles and we are all broken, despite what we may show on the outside.
After receiving that text from my friend I decided something; I am no longer going to lie about how I am doing. I don't care if it may spark a long conversation I am not in the mood for, or if it will make me worry about inconveniencing the other person with my burdens, I am going to start being honest about my life. Let's get real, no one is always okay. We all have moments in life when we struggle, when we feel lost, and when we feel alone, but God surrounded us with other people for a reason! We were meant to share in or sufferings, and to help one another through the hard times and encourage through the good.
Do yourself a favor, next time someone asks how you are, give them the cold truth. Your honest answer may spark a cool conversation and you may find yourself experiencing compassion and love from the other person. And even if you don't experience that, it always feels good to tell the truth. We are all broken, imperfect, and sinful, so let's get real about how well we really are.