Expectations. We all have them. Whether it's expectations we have on ourselves, our friends, our family, our boyfriend or girlfriend, or even just on how our lives should look, we tend to let the outcome of those expectations affect the way we measure our quality of life.
When I went off to my freshmen year of college I expected it to be a year of all fun, a lot of school, and abundant time to grow friendships and my faith. What I experienced however, was a lot of sickness and pain, doctors appointments and bad sleep, and little time for school, friends, or Young Life. Even after my first semester, I put the expectation on second semester to be my grand college experience. Yet here I am, 5 weeks into the semester, currently living at home and down to one class at Ohio State, which I am taking almost entirely online. I am constantly exhausted and in pain and the bad days seem to outweigh the good. Not really the "college experience" I was expecting.
Let me tell you something about expectations, they never seem to be completely met. How many times have you told yourself something like, "oh, I'm definitely going to do better in school this semester" or "I'm going to have more friends from now on" or even "I'm going to spend more time reading my bible" and failed those expectations? How many times have you expected to get something like more time to watch t.v. or hang out with your friends, or an easier schedule, or maybe even something simple like better pictures to post on instagram, and not gotten any of those things?
In my walk with God I have recently been confused on why He hasn't given me things I've asked of him. I pray for a healthier body, more energy, the ability to go to school or Young Life or hang out with friends, and mostly for less pain. I pray and expect Him to give me these things, because He does say "ask and you shall receive," right? But I still don't receive all the things I'm asking for. And that's confusing. Ah, expectations.
What I've gathered from my recent unmet expectations is that I have no right to have any. It says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." My specific expectations for my life are not mine to have. The only thing I can expect from life is that God will take care of me, be my rock, bring me joy, forgive me, save me, and be everything I need. Past that, I cannot expect anything from this life. You may disagree, but take it from somebody who knows, even if you try to plan your life it will never go the EXACT way you expect it to. That's hard to grasp too. I'm a planner by nature and I like to know what's ahead of me. When I go into the doctor (which is probably about 3 times a week on average) I constantly am asking questions: "will this hurt?", "how long will the medicine take?", "should this be happening, is it normal?" I have anxiety, and I find comfort in the known. The problem with that is there truly is no "known." I can ask the doctor what he thinks but he doesn't know exactly how my body is going to react to something or the precise date I'm going to get better. No matter what we do, we will never know exactly what the future has in store for us. Every day I keep telling myself, STOP MAKING EXPECTATIONS!! Only God knows, and only He has a plan.
Even though He tells us we can ask anything of Him, if He does not give us something, we have to trust it is because He knows best. Romans 8:28 says "God works for the good of those who love Him." He works for our good! Even when I may feel angry or sad that He is not taking away the struggles with my health, I must know that He is using it to build me and make me stronger. If I don't get to go to school, I have more time to learn about Jesus. If I don't get to hang out with as many friends, I get to be close to the few I see and cherish the time I do have. Like I mentioned early from Jeremiah, God doesn't want to harm us, but prosper us. So don't expect anything other than what God promises you.
I want to be real and say lately, I have been wrestling with a lot of deep things regarding my faith. Certain days I feel discouraged, and others I feel joyful. At the end of them all, however, I still know in my head God will get me through. I am going to post more about this soon, but I do not want to give the impression that I am in anyway always doing amazingly well, because that would be a lie. I'm excited for the support on my blog and I can't wait to post more! Thank you to everyone for the love and encouragement :)