"You look really healthy and well!" Words I hear often. Surprisingly they're not comforting. Yes, I may be able to walk, talk, smile, etc., but that means nothing in regards to my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Almost everyday I deal with chronic joint pain, frequent stomach aches, head aches, throat pains, you name it. I recently have had trouble swallowing, digesting food, and even keeping down some liquids. I've had back aches and shooting pains. I am frequently tired, yet I can't sleep. Most days it's hard to get out of bed. But I still do. I still go about my day like anyone else. I try my best to do what I can. I drive, I study, I clean. I lead Young Life and I go to church on Sundays. I try to hang out with friends when I can. I generally look pretty normal. Some days, the people around me can tell I'm wiped out. I have bags under my eyes, I'm lethargic, I don't eat much. Other days, they may not know the difference because of the way I act. You see, my body likes to play tricks on me. I may seem extremely energized some days because my body overcompensates for being so tired by pumping adrenaline through my veins. I find myself uneasy and restless and sometimes even hyper. Excited by my energy burst, I start running around doing everything that I can before sickness rains down. At some point in my craziness, I hit a wall. I could be in the middle of jamming in the car to a song and my body just says, "nope, you're done." So, I'm done.
When I'm with the people I'm closest to, I'm not very good at hiding it. When I'm with others, it's hard to be vulnerable about my pain. It's easy to tell yourself "just a little longer then you can crash." So I wait it out until I get home, where I collapse onto my bed and let the pain wash over me. Not all days are like this, though. Some days I'm just straight up tired. I try to go about my day, but I can be irritable and moody. I don't feel like myself, I feel like I'm giving people the crappy version of my personality! Other days, I feel pretty dang good. I'm able to brush off my pains as small annoyances and have a decently full day. These days can be hard sometimes but are still joy filled and fairly active. And occasionally I feel wonderful. I love when I get to experience gifts like these days. There is always some kind of pain there, though. I can't really remember the last day I was pain free, but that's just EDS. It can be discouraging sometimes, but I've learned to let it grow me. I know if I smile my day's going to be a lot easier. If I communicate, people might be more equipped to understand. If I find joy even in the smallest of things, I can enjoy the worst days. If I give people grace, I will remember the grace that's been given to me so much more. I choose not to act sick 24/7 because I know that being sick doesn't define me.
I have truly learned that not one of us can judge the other. Who's to say that I feel well because I look well? Who's to say I must be having a pain free day because of how I'm acting? No one. We cannot judge others because we are not all-knowing. We will never know fully what someone else is going through on the inside, and that's where God comes in. He meets us where we're at, He feels for us, He understands us where we cannot understand each other. He knows my EDS better than I do. He knows me better than I do! So who am I to judge? Who are you to judge?
People suffer with invisible illnesses everyday. Please do not judge someone because you truly do not know what they're dealing with. It could be EDS, it could be another health problem, it could be a mental problem, or maybe even a personal matter. If anything I said in this post tugged at your heart, try to let joy overflow you rather than judgement. I know we are taught to judge. I also know I struggle with the constant desire to judge every day. I see someone and my immediate thought is "they must be like this" or "I totally know what they're about," when in reality I don't know them at all. It's crazy how our natural reaction has become to judge what's in front of us! Having EDS has led me to try my hardest not to judge others because I know that my body doesn't always show on the outside what's actually going on inside. If you find yourself in a moment where you can consciously decide not to judge, think hard about it. Trust me, I am a walking cliche of "don't judge a book by it's cover." So look a little deeper, think a little harder, before you pass judgement on someone else. Choose joy, not judgement.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." -Matthew 7:1-2
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me..." -John 10:14
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. -Psalm 147:5
"Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” -John 7:24
If you would like more information on Ehlers Danlos Syndrome please visit http://ednf.org