This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a Young Life event called Buckeye Region Leader Weekend at Great Wolf Lodge. Every year Young Life invites leaders, seniors in high school, first years (leaders in training), and committee members to take a weekend to enjoy fellowship and to refocus our minds on the mission that is Young Life- changing lives through the gospel. Last year, leader weekend was my absolute favorite weekend of the year, hands down. So as you can imagine, I had been pretty stressed last week with all of my recent health problems that I was not going to be able to go. Luckily, I made it down to Mason, OH on friday along with 1,300 others who were pumped to see what the weekend would bring.
After only a few hours at the hotel my body began to ache all over and my recent throat and stomach pain could not seem to be masked by anything in the giant box of meds that I constantly have on me. Pushing through I made an attempt to go to the first session, where I lasted through the awesome worship (The Graham Family Band rocks) and a hilarious skit (YL being funny as always). However, as the first speaker began to talk I tapped my best friend, Kenn, and gave her the "I don't feel so good" look. So unfortunately no, I did not get to listen to the first speaker. Kenn took me back up to our hotel room and I spent a few hours back and forth from the bed to the bathroom afraid I was going to throw up. Kenn, who has been my best friend for years, never fails to put me before herself and stayed by my side the entire time. She always reminds me of the selfless, undeserving love that Christ has for us, even in the hardest times. Of course we had to make a few jokes, so we took some pictures of me laying on the bathroom floor with some water bottles and the caption "this is what happens when you turn up too hard at leader weekend!!!"
After a while Taylor, my boyfriend, showed up and took over what Kenn calls "gibbysitting" so she could have a break and I wouldn't be alone. Again, God has blessed me with another person so willing to serve me and be there for me, even when I don't deserve it! So the night went on and turned to morning, and after a few pills and some tears, I finally dozed off around 4 am. Three hours later, at 7 am, I was up and dazed, probably not at all looking like I had just slept in a comfy hotel bed. The rest of the morning was rough, as I fought through exhaustion and lots of pains throughout my body. But I was there, and I was excited because I knew God wanted me there for a reason. My other close friend Nicole, who always help take care of me as well, also made sure I was doing okay and I was at ease knowing God was taking good care of me through my friends even though I felt so sick.
On Saturday at Leader Weekend, we had the opportunity of picking two seminars to go to out of about 6. It's always a struggle to pick because all of the speakers and topics are so good. Kenn, Taylor and I were about to go into one talking about Young Life Club when I ran into my high school Young Life leader, Tift. "Gabrielle, I've been looking for you. I just went to this seminar called Jesus Shines Through Broken People and you HAVE to go." Now Tift, who is married to my other awesome high school Young Life leader Corrine, is a wise guy. If Tift Gannon tells you to do something, you do it. So Kenn and I decided to listen to his wise words and ended up in Tom Dixon's seminar about how God uses broken people. Dang, was Tift right about that one.
Tom talked about how God can make a blessing out of anyone's life. He referred to the disciple Paul, once a murderer of Christians, who eventually became one of the most crucial people in the spreading of the gospel. In Philippians 1, Paul writes about how he has been imprisoned. Tom brought up that at this time, Paul had been in the height of his ministry. He was spreading the word of God like wildfire and was so effective, yet God allowed him to go to prison. At this point everyone is confused- why would God lock Paul up when he was doing exactly what God had asked and wanted of him? Tom explained: When Paul was in prison, he was actually under house arrest. Each day a Roman guard was chained to him, so each day Paul would sit with the Roman guard and talk to him about Jesus. Eventually, the Roman guard would be off duty and a new one would come. And still, Paul would tell the same things to that guard and so on. Tom then explained how after a while of working, each Roman guard would receive a piece of land. So, imagine that. Roman guards who were in charge of keeping Paul in prison, learned about God and then were spread across the nation to (without knowing) spread God's word even more! Just when we all thought God made a stupid decision by putting Paul in chains, He reached the unreachable through Paul. Even better, Paul also spent his time in prison writing to the Philippians! People have found wisdom and peace from the book of Philippians for centuries now. Back to Tom's point, there are no little places. Where God has us is where He wants us! If he can use Paul in prison, do you believe that He can use you exactly where you're at? Sometimes when I am sick, I feel confused by God. I lay in bed thinking "God why won't you make me well? I could be doing such better things if I wasn't physically unable!" But then, I think about Tom's talk and how there are no little places. It may seem like God is letting something hold you back, but really He is just carrying out His BETTER plan for your life.
Tom also mentioned 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." We are the jars of clay, and Jesus is the light inside; the treasure. Each day He builds up the light inside the jar, and tears down the clay on the outside. As He builds each one of us up with His word, prayer, fellowship, and ministry, He will let things happen to the jar of clay. Some situations will crack us, and let the light be seen from the inside. And even though we want to hold onto the clay, onto ourselves, if we let go and let Him wear away, we will become less clay and more treasure. The outside will break but the inside is eternal. Listening to this from Tom this weekend reminded me that everything God does is for our good.
I may get angry, or confused, or dumbfounded when God doesn't take away my chronic pain or anxiety, but at the end of the day I have to know that He is wise beyond what I can even begin to understand. From now on, when I feel stuck because I'm too sick to be at school or too tired to get out of bed, I will remember Paul and what God had in store for him, even in prison. When I am frustrated that He isn't taking my burdens, I will remember that He is wearing away to make me a more beautiful creation. After Tom's talk and a long day, I ended up not making it to the second session that night. I hit my wall of exhaustion, and decided it was probably about time for me to go home. I didn't want to leave, but I knew that it was amazing I was even able to go in the first place, and I was meant to be there because God wanted me to hear exactly what Tom was saying. When I woke up in the morning (or I guess afternoon because I slept forever), I was sad I wasn't with all my friends at leader weekend, but then I remembered there is no little place and I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear." -Philippians 1:12-14