My life consists of a lot of "when's." When I feel better then____" or "when I'm less busy then___" or even "when I have more energy then___." I'm constantly saying when this, when that.
I think a lot of times it's easy for me to put my hope into when. Specifically when I will feel better. Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, my life is a myriad of unpredictable health issues. I never know what will happen to my body or when. Typically when one health problem gets figured out, another one arises. It's kind of like aiming a dart at a moving target... while blindfolded.
I think a lot of times it's easy for me to put my hope into when. Specifically when I will feel better. Having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, my life is a myriad of unpredictable health issues. I never know what will happen to my body or when. Typically when one health problem gets figured out, another one arises. It's kind of like aiming a dart at a moving target... while blindfolded.
You know when you go to the doctor and the nurse asks you rate your pain on a scale of 1-10? I don't think I remember the last time I was a 0. Or even a 1, 2, or 3 for that matter. I feel like I'm always waiting for those, though. The days when I can confidently say "I feel like a 2 today!" Or "only a 1!" Or "nope, 0 pain." So when I tell the nurse "probably a 6" or "definitely an 8" I'm secretly hoping the next day will bring lower numbers. The back of my mind always houses thoughts of the things I will do when I feel better, the abilities I will have, the motivation I will harvest to do what may even seem like the simplest tasks.
But the truth is, there's no telling when I will feel better. I will never know when my symptoms will let up, or even for how long. I will never know if a good day is going to be just a random good day, or if it's going to be the beginning of a road to recovery. I will never know if my recent burst of energy is a single event, or if it's going to catapult days or weeks or months of feeling well. I will never know if a goodbye to one health issue will mean a hello to another one. So I'm stuck, waiting. Waiting for the week when, or the day when, or the moment when.
One of my favorite passages in the bible says this: “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”” -James 4:13-15
When I hear these verses I am reminded of the uncertainty of when. Truth be told, we will never quite know exactly "when" anything in our lives will happen. As hard as I may try, I will never know exactly what's ahead of me each day. I cannot predict exactly how my day will go, or who I will interact with, or what my body will do.
Too often I do rely on when. I wait for the day when all the time, forgetting that my life can be compared to a mist that "appears for a little while and then vanishes." How can I ever know what tomorrow will hold? The answer: I can't.
As frustrating as not knowing is for me, I can hold onto a promise that I know is true. "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." Now that is something I can put hope into; a God who does know what will happen to me and when, and who has a pleasing and perfect will for me. No longer do I need to wait.
Although I know this promise, I still sometimes find myself waiting for when. I think that's okay sometimes, because I should be excited for what the future will hold. I just don't want to subconsciously miss what God has for me now, because I am constantly looking ahead. When will come, when when will come. For now, I can ask God for days of 0 pain and know that He will listen. I may not experience those days, but if so, His will be done. And I can trust that is what's best for me now, and when.
And at the end of it all is an even better promise: one day all of my pain will be gone."'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" Revelation 21:4 NIV
But the truth is, there's no telling when I will feel better. I will never know when my symptoms will let up, or even for how long. I will never know if a good day is going to be just a random good day, or if it's going to be the beginning of a road to recovery. I will never know if my recent burst of energy is a single event, or if it's going to catapult days or weeks or months of feeling well. I will never know if a goodbye to one health issue will mean a hello to another one. So I'm stuck, waiting. Waiting for the week when, or the day when, or the moment when.
One of my favorite passages in the bible says this: “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”” -James 4:13-15
When I hear these verses I am reminded of the uncertainty of when. Truth be told, we will never quite know exactly "when" anything in our lives will happen. As hard as I may try, I will never know exactly what's ahead of me each day. I cannot predict exactly how my day will go, or who I will interact with, or what my body will do.
Too often I do rely on when. I wait for the day when all the time, forgetting that my life can be compared to a mist that "appears for a little while and then vanishes." How can I ever know what tomorrow will hold? The answer: I can't.
As frustrating as not knowing is for me, I can hold onto a promise that I know is true. "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." Now that is something I can put hope into; a God who does know what will happen to me and when, and who has a pleasing and perfect will for me. No longer do I need to wait.
Although I know this promise, I still sometimes find myself waiting for when. I think that's okay sometimes, because I should be excited for what the future will hold. I just don't want to subconsciously miss what God has for me now, because I am constantly looking ahead. When will come, when when will come. For now, I can ask God for days of 0 pain and know that He will listen. I may not experience those days, but if so, His will be done. And I can trust that is what's best for me now, and when.
And at the end of it all is an even better promise: one day all of my pain will be gone."'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'" Revelation 21:4 NIV